Exit Tunes Presents ACTORS1

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Drama Part A: 放課後グラウンドはランチテラス(Lunch Tales From The Ground, After School)

(Okay so テラス is actually more ‘terrace’ than ‘tales’, but for some reason it just didn’t sound right…)

The dismissal chime is ringing and Mike Enjouji (CV. Yuuki Ono) is angrily helping himself to his food with quite an amount of annoyance. Apparently Washiho-sensei, their faculty adviser, did NOT tell ‘em earlier that they had to do fieldwork during lunch break! Having to work instead of having lunch is horrible, yanno?

Sitting beside him is Kai Akizuki (CV. Takuya Eguchi) who says that, well, Washiho-senseididleave everything else up to them, so maybe Mike should stop eating (the food sensei gave them?) by himself and help out? Also, is that bread he eating even still delicious?

Mike angrily retorts that he’ll eat Kai’s share of the bread too…well, Kai has his own lunch so he’s fine with leaving his share to Mike’s hands. As long as he leaves behind a third of the lunch stash for their third member Chiguma Marume (CV. Subaru Kimura), who…doesn’t really notice what they’re talking about. He’s way too busy tapping on his phone.

Kai: Chiguman-senpai is always so busy with his game, but…aren’t you going to eat?

Chiguma: I’m currently in the middle of a special event right now, so I can’t stop…I want the rare…I really want the rare –! [falls dramatically to the ground]

Kai says it’s just a game – surely Chiguma doesn’t really have to take it that seriously? Chiguma disagrees though, it’s a special event and he definitely has to give it his all. His voice gets all choked-off, and Kai decides he has to resort to more drastic measures.

Kai: I guess it can’t be helped…[picks up something with his chopsticks], here you go, open wide, say ‘aah~’

Chiguma: [chomp] Hm? – this is…hamburg steak????? It’s good, it’s way too good,[sparkles, an ominous rumbling power-up BGM plays] IT’S DE-LI-CIOUS-!!!

[Something explodes in the distance. Probably the remains of Chiguma’s composure because oh my god he has tasted heaven.]

Kai: Ehehe~! I made it especially yummy for today!

Chiguma: I know that, but this hamburg steak is really a miracle…one more, one more!!

Kai: Okay, okay, here you go!

Chiguma: …this is really yummy!! Kai’s cooking is really great! With this, you’ll make someone a really good bride someday!

Kai: It’s the same thing I make every day! – wait a sec, I won’t be anyone’s bride!

If you’ve seen my Extra Edition 1 summaries before, yes – Chiguma calling Kai a ‘bride’ is sort of a running theme here. According to Chiguma, he’s Mike’s bride, apparently. I am not making this up.

Mike interjects angrily – hey, wtf dog, where the hell is his share of the goods? Kai huffs, of coursehe set aside a portion for Mike, like he always does! He kinda figured they’d be eating outside together, so Mike should sit down and enjoy his part normally, okay? Yeah, yeah, okay fine, just hand it over already! Kai is way too damned sweet (on him?) and didn’t push him harder to have his proper lunch – well, that’s just ‘cause Mike looked perfectly fine with just eating his bread, though! Mike snorts, and Kai laughs.

They’re just settling down into their lunches when Kai says, wait a sec, he feels like someone’s been watching them this entire time…ah, right, Mike says, if he remembers correctly there’s been some kind of rumor about this place, which catches Chiguma’s curiosity. What the – could it be a ghost??? Mike says it seems like the place for it – yup, Kai agrees, and it’d totally be fitting cuz it’s in a place where flowers bloom~

Chiguma: It’s here???? It’s seriously here??????

Kai: That’s okay! Whatever it is isn’t a ghost, but…it’s definitely not a human either…where could it be?

Mike: Then what the heck could it be? An alien? That’s ridiculous.

It’s really not that, Kai says, but…what could it be? He stands up and walks away from their spot to look for it, and in the background you can hear Mike shouting as he follows suit (“Oi, where on earth are you going, Kai!” awww so he does care how cute of him to pretend he doesn’t)

Kai: Surely…if I heard it coming from around here…

[Kai moves some branches out of the way]

Cat: Meow!

Kai: Aha – found a little kitten!

[Mike arrives, clearly out of breath – was he so worried about Kai that he was actually running]

Mike: Ha…a kitten, huh.

Kai: It’s a really cute kitten, right~ Was she following the smell of our meals, I wonder? Here, here, come closer~

Cat: Meoooow~

Apparently, Mike says, it’s rare to see a cat just wandering around campus. Did it somehow get lost and end up here? Kai says, if that’s the case, they should look after the poor thing until they can bring her back home! Chiguma says no – they still have fieldwork on their agenda, it’ll be pretty hard to juggle that with cat-sitting!

After fieldwork, then? Mike reminds Kai that they still have to practice singing for the school’s singing contest – the one Kai had goaded them into joining, right? Anyway, it’s just near impossible for them to take good care of the kitten at this rate, so Kai better just give his plan up, gdi.

Kai: Yeah, well, if you put it that way, but…[turns to kitten] Lil’ kitten, here, have some food, you’re hungry, aren’t you?

Cat: Waa, waa – [chows down]

Chiguma sighs, well, the poor thing does need to be looked after, much to Mike’s displeasure. “Well, it’s not as if we could just leave her alone!”, says Kai.

Mike: Haa, if that’s so, it can’t be helped…

Chiguma: Can’t we ask for help? From anyone?

Mike: You can say that, but…[notices something]…oh? This is nice timing, huh~

Kai notices what Mike’s looking at and says, yeah, that’d probably work…and Mike immediately turns up the charm to around 110%.

Mike: [charm raised to critical levels] Oi, Ryou! Can’t you come over here for a little while?

Chiguma: [in awe] …and there it is. Mike’s refreshing façade… (This is the same wording he uses in Extra Edition 1 as well: 爽やかな猫かぶり)

Mike: Shuddup.

The guy in question – Ryou, who we’ll get to know more in the next track – comes up to them to ask wth they’ve been calling out to them for. Kai says that it’s a good thing they saw him, ‘cuz they could really use his help! Really, huh? Ryou asks them what they’re doing eating out here on the school grounds.

Mike: [in a totally soft and definitely not-at-all angry voice, wth you are not supposed to sound this cute] We were just eating outside, when something popped up…actually, there is a little favor we need your help for, Ryou.

Ryou: What favor? Tell me. Sorry but I can’t promise my help if it’s a big thing.

Mike: Haha, it’s not like that. It’s a really little favor.

Ryou: Well then, what is it?

Kai: Ryou-kun…[hands out kitten]…we wanted to ask if you could take care of her, but…

Cat: Meow!

Ryou: …huh?

…you walked right into that one, Ryou Saotome. Literally.


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Drama Part B: 部室に招いた愛しき小さな客人 (Inviting a Beloved Little Guest Into The Club Room)

The track starts with Satsuma Kadonoooji (CV. Ryoutarou Okiayu) asking Ryou Saotome (CV. Tomohiro Tsuboi) – what on earth was he doing, picking up unnecessary things? Ryou insists that he shouldn’t phrase it that way – he was doing someone a favour, so it’s not as if he could just say ‘no’, okay?

In the middle of their bickering, Hinata Mitsutsuka (CV. Hoshi Souichirou) enters the room, greeting them both – but it’s not as if either of them have noticed him, when they’re still stuck in their little debate. Satsuma says that Ryou is just so damned flighty (as Ryou takes a little aside to baby talk his precious darling baby cat), and Ryou just says Satsuma should stop looking down on him, gdi, he does so understand whatever it is that the kid wants to get across! (He also says, to the cat: “Ahh, sorry, sorry, did I scare you?”)

They’re still fighting – might I remind you, btw, Satsuma says, that we are way too busy to randomly volunteer for stuff! – and yeah, the bickering is getting pretty intense. Hinata tries to greet them again, but…yeah, totally not happening rn. These two are in their own happy bickering place. (Hinata: “Well, I guess I’m fine with this [being ignored]…”)

Satsuma: Objectionable things are objectionable!

Ryou: Ehh~ Let this one slide! Naa?

So they’re still bickering but thank god they finally notice Hinata when he asks Ryou – for a second time – what’s this inside the cardboard box? (According to the official illustration: it’s an empty box of mikan.) Ryou shows him – it’s a cute little kitten!

How did she get here?” Hinata asks. Satsuma explains that he’d somehow gotten it after running into the archeology club having lunch – seriously though, is Ryou a kid, to have fallen for such an obvious trap so easily? (Spoiler alert: Yes. Ryou Saotome is in fact an actual overgrown child who just happens to look scary.)

Ryou says Satsuma should get off his case – and stop being so angry, can’t he see he’s scaring the cat, the poor little thing? Hinata takes the cat into his hands and talks cutely to it too, while Satsuma says gdi, Ryou should seriously give her back to the archeology boys already! Ryou is totally waxing poetic over how adorable the kitten is, though, and isn’t exactly listening to him.

They have actual club work to do, yanno! Ryou shouldn’t be slacking off like this! (Somewhere in the back of Satsuma’s mind he is prolly thinking why on earth did they have to be saddled with this guy as Vice President.) Okay, okay, fiiiiine…but isn’t this little thing something Satsuma could live with? C’mere, he should look at the little kitten, for a change!

Cat: Meow?

[Totally happy, sparkly BGM in the distance, most probably signaling, you guessed it right, the death of Satsuma Kadonoooji’s composure. I can see why he’s friends with Chiguma now.]

Satsuma: –!!! [in a strangled voice] Surely…she is charming…

Ryou: Hahaha! You get it now, dontcha? What are ya gonna do ‘bout [her] now?

Satsuma frantically says Ryou should stop bringing the question back to him! Hinata breaks up their lovely convo to say they should let him carry her, though. The cat seems to take more to him that she did Ryou, which…okay, this is pissing Ryou off a little bit. Apparently Hinata’s family had a cat in their house a while back, so he knows how to deal with them.

Why did this cat end up in the archeology club’s hands, and in their hands, in the first place, though? Apparently it’s ‘cuz of (Chiguma) Marume…his childhood friend asked for his help, and he was just being a gentleman and helping out. Really, Satsuma asks, it’s that sad a tale? Nah, it’s just what might’ve happened, Ryou shrugs, making Satsuma seethe again.

Somewhere in the midst of this the kitten jumps off of their arms, startled by the commotion, and runs…well, there’s no other way to say this. Into the depths of hell. Hell, I tell you, actual hell.

Ryou: !!!!!! Don’t go there! That’s Mitsuki’s keyboard –!!!!!!

Cat: Meow?

[typing sounds]

Satsuma: Hurry up and catch it, its hand is getting closer!?!

Hinata: E-eh? Getting closer to what?

[typing]

Cat: Meow…

[typing – suddenly, the typing stops, replaced by one long beep sound]

Mitsuki: Mm…ngh.

Ryou: Ah…we’re screwed.

May I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, president of the Singing Club, Mitsuki Akika (CV. Kenji Nojima). He’s so damned scary I don’t think it’d be much of a stretch to say he might be an actual demon prince. And he hasn’t even spoken yet. In Ryou’s words:

Hinata: Mitsuki-senpai…don’t tell me…is he actually a scary person?

Ryou: Scary isn’t enough to cut it. Let’s just say he’s the kind of guy who should never get mad at ya. Cuz if he does, you’re good as dead.

And this is coming from the guy who looks like a delinquent, might have the temper of one, and flagrantly skips around rules by skipping class to nap and stuff. Ryou Saotome might be frightening, yes, especially if seen from a distance. (A very far, cat-less distance.) But Mitsuki is way much worse. Worse enough for Ryou to gleefully chuck all semblance of pride down the drain and say:

Ryou: My bad, Mitsuki! Forgive me!!

Mitsuki: …ahh.

Cat: Meow?

Ryou: Let this slide for once! That kid meant no harm! [claps hands together]

Mitsuki: Hm. Indeed, I’ve heard that in some foreign places, they cook cats in pots. And eat them.

Hinata: [flashlight] Ehh? –he’s this kind of a person??? No no no no – you’re joking, aren’t you??????

Mitsuki: it all depends on what you like or dislike, but from what I’ve seen it looks delicious.

Ryou: I beg you, don’t do it! I beg you!!!

Satsuma: It’s not…! President, please stop making this joke!

Hinata: Wh, what, thank goodness! I was surprised…

Satsuma: Look at your faces…did you seriously believe [he was going to do that]…?

Mitsuki: That I think it looks delicious from what I’ve seen is the truth, though.

Hinata (?): Eeeh???

That aside, though, there’s something else Mitsuki wants to know – what is the kitten’s name? The archeology club didn’t say anything about a name, Ryou says, which is kinda to be expected since she kinda just popped outta nowhere. If that’s the case, Satsuma says, then they should just think one up for her – Hinata says that kittens should always have cute names!

The door slides open to reveal Washiho Usuki (CV. Ryouta Takeuchi), Archeology Club faculty adviser, who also appears to drop in on the Singing Club room as a matter of course, judging from how the boys greet him as if him being here was a normal occurrence. He apologizes in behalf for his club saddling them with the kitten, who he’s ostensibly here to lay his eyes on. (Ostensibly. Remember this.)

Ryou is the first one to think up a name! He’s really quick about it too! It’s…Shinpachi! (The BGM of a really traditional Japanese riff goes playing as he says this.) Shinpachi is “fair-haired”, if I remember correctly? Apparently Ryou likes this cuz giving off a feel of ‘gold’ is the best! (Tooting your own horn, aren’t you – Ryou’s hair is a shade of blond closest to gold, amongst the three cast members who have blond hair.) Hinata says, yeah, it’s probably good…but doesn’t it sound, yanno, a bit way too manly?

What about Satsuma? Satsuma’s going with Franz! (For some reason, the BGM of what seems to be an F1 car racer plays as he says this. Is there a reference I’m not getting?) It’s a name that signifies a ‘golden future’ (? am I hearing this right?), so won’t it be perfect? Hinata says…well, it is cool, and also a bit nostalgic (“golden future”?), so it’d be good…but…for many reasons it just sounds a bit not that good for a little kitten.

So, I guess it’s my turn now, isn’t it,” Mitsuki says. He thinks the kitten should be named Hans! (The BGM sounds remarkably like swords clashing.) It just seems to him that the cat would fit that sort of image, so there. Hinata agrees that yeah, he could see where Mitsuki was going with this…but no, just like the other two, this naming sense is dangerous as well! Mitsuki thinks this is a shame, but, oh well.

Is it just me or does Mitsuki sound particularly ominous here. Wait, right…he actually sounds particularly ominous basically 99.999% of the time.

What about Washiho-sensei? Well…tbh sensei thinks you poor boys can’t name anything on your life. I caught this incorrectly at first but as @kuchizuke-tienhou kindly told me, Washiho actually suggests that they name the cat Enoch – a character from a video game Washiho’s VA voices for, El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron.

Hinata totally loses it, saying that he has absolutely no clue what kinda thinking sensei’s using here, cuz that name totally won’t do at all! …he then segues into another in-joke from the above series by telling him “It’s okay, no problem”…which is apparently that fandom’s meme.

Satsuma: In that case, what name do you think would fit best, then?

Hinata: Something not horrible…that won’t be impossible [to use as a name]…that would make everyone quiet down already…uhmmm…

Cat: Meow?

Ryou: Hurry up and give us a name!

Hinata: Hmm…right. For example, Yukimu – [BGM of a loud horn tooting]

Satsuma: Yu…ki…mu…?

Hinata: Ahaha, it’s nothing! I was – it was just something that I randomly thought of!

Idk if there’s some kind of double meaning to this, but taking it at face value the closest match to a complete name this has – if I assumed correctly that the horn BGM was his subconscious cutting him off – would be Yukimura, which, like Ryou’s earlier suggestion of Shinpachi, is a rather traditional sort of name. Too traditional, in fact, to casually use to call for a kitten.

Hinata notices something, though – hadn’t she been wearing a collar this whole time? ‘Cuz if so, then isn’t this cat not a stray cat, but just a lost one? In that case, they have to return her! Washiho-sensei leaves this responsibility up to them, and would also give their club points for the help, much to Satsuma’s relief. This idea…doesn’t go over well with all parties present, though.

Ryou: No no nooooo!!! Let’s not do that! I don’t wanna~ I don’t wanna let go of her… [sobbing]

Mitsuki says he should just get to terms with this outcome, because at least they get points for their trouble. Hinata calms him down by saying Ryou should come with him to return the lost cat to her owner. Satsuma is apparently worried with leaving those two to fend for themselves, so he’s coming with, and the three of them (three men and a kitten, to be exact) make their exit.

Washiho: Ahaha, it’s nice that the Singing Club is always this lively!

Mitsuki: That’s right. With them around, there’s never a dull moment.

…the lively, happy, dare I say carefree BGM stops immediately after these words, immediately shifting to another one which is, nope, not suspicious at all, nope nope nope.

Washiho: Well then, Mitsuki-kun, Rei told me something…

Like I said on twitter: He just called his student, who he calls ‘Akika’ in public, with his goddamned first name, in a really low voice. I am pretty sure this might be a crime. Then again, my head might be stuck too far into the gutter by now…then again, they have an upcoming duet, and it’s “Cendrillion”.

(Also, spoiler alert 2: ‘Rei’ is Rei Ichijoudani, another character we will meet come ACTORS2. I may or may not have professed confessions of unrequited love to him in the past few months. Am I seriously Takato.)

They end the track by talking about something…well, all I can say it that it sounds rather suspicious. Honestly, though – on one hand, I can’t understand half of what they’re saying, and on the other hand, Mitsuki and Washiho’s low af voices are seriously getting to me. Like. I think I need to lie down and recite prime numbers after typing this down.

Tl:dl; of that last scene: Washiho-sensei thinks something fishy is up, and apologizes for getting Mitsuki in this mess. Mitsuki demurs and says it’s really no trouble, because, he wanted to be involved in this, and, after all…

Mitsuki: And, I also want to know. Just what it is exactly that this academy is hiding…

Oh, Mitsuki, but don’t we all?


Translator’s note: Original post dated 10/22/15! To be continued in ACTORS2.

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